Blessings and more

It's Easter Sunday and I'm up early. I know I will be pooped later, but my internal clock woke me up in spite of having just done the 30 hour famine, the break-fast and the Easter Vigil. Oh and straightening up the house, preparing for the Easter Bunny's arrival and putting my hair up til 1 in the morning. I kind of like have the house to myself for a bit. It is a nice time to reflect.

I am so blessed. I had a rough week this week. There are obstacles on the horizon. Everyday stuff, but still, obstacles. I question and wonder how we will survive the challenges. I get angry and I feel hopeless and I feel defeated, but then I feel like I have to remember that God will take care of it, take care of us. He already has.

I am reminded that I am blessed already. With a terrific husband and two wonderful children. Just the other day Langston asked if he could go with me to work and I told him he couldn't. He said, "But Mommy, I only want to go with you. I just want to go wherever you go, Mommy." Oh how I will treasure those words, especially as he gets older and his independence grows and he pulls away.

I went to pick up Ella-Lorraine from school the other day and she wanted to run and greet me like she does every day. Another little girl prevented her from doing that and they got entangled and eventually fell to the ground. When the little girl tried to help her up, it just got worse and Ella-Lorraine was trying to push the little girl away and she said, "Stop!" in her little baby voice. Something she's never said before. When she finally got herself up and made her way over to me, I crouched down to hug her and she just put her head on my shoulder like she never wanted to let me go. I felt so peaceful and needed and also comforted. Like this run and greet Mommy ritual is much a joyful part of her day as it is mine and she was hurt and disappointed he didn't get to carry it out like she wanted. I felt loved. And blessed. To be able to comfort her and to be comforted by her needing me.

Then last night, at the Great Vigil of Easter, the Bread of Life song which rounds out the service was sung. For our church, this is the one time a year when parishioners and guests feel like it is OK to get a little praise-y. Through the many verses, folks lift their hands and wave their arms and it makes me uncomfortable. Uncomfortable because I wonder if it is forced. If we as Episcopalians save up all of our praising and spirit moving for just this one night. Or if we feel it is the only acceptable time to do it? I wonder if those same folks went to a Pentecostal church on any given Sunday, if there would be a lot of eye-rolling.

Anyway, I digress. I don't usually raise my hands or get that emotional about it, but last night, when they go to the verse that says,
"I am the resurrection, I am the life
If you believe in me
Even though you die
You shall live forever."
I just couldn't help it. I got choked up. I am choked up writing about it. Tears started to come as I heard this verse and the whole experience reminded me of Grandmom Mollye. She was with us for Langston's first Easter. If I remember correctly she raised her hands and swayed. I could almost hear her singing last night. She really believed and the idea of her singing and living forever is a comfort and yet I miss her because I wish she could have been around for more Easters, but I know I am blessed to have had her for the 30+ Easters that I did have her in my lifetime. I can barely type right now as my eyes are full and my vision is blurred, but thank you Lord for blessing me in spite of myself.

Alleluia, The Lord is Risen, indeed.